Introducing the Questions
In order to accomplish eliciting values properly, you need her to provide you
with her core values and in order for her to be able to do that, you need to
ask the right questions. For example, you could start with:
"I think its an absolutely fantastic feeling to get to know another human being. And what's really stimulating, is to learn what someone else thinks of major issues revolving around us in this world… and discovering what's important for her in life. So if I were to ask you, what do you really value and what's important to you in a relationship, what would you answer?" If she replies with ends values (feeling loved, understood) - bingo! Be the one to make her feel that (by incorporating that into talk about yourself or making up a pattern about that). If she replies with means values (the means of achieving ends values - like a strong, brave man... to make her feel what? you need to find out!), do some additional asking: "And what does it feel like to have a relationship with such a guy?".
"Ask questions that get her to go inside & come back with values and criteria. Questions that touch on her identity as a person. For example:
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